Coming Home Trying

(a chorus, i even got me a little melody to go with it)


Bound but not by chains
tighten up these boots, grab hold of these reigns
I'm worth more than if I had died
Had miles of crying; moonshine and lying
Now shake the dust
I'm coming home trying

They fall when they're dead

Restless lovers lie in bed
Legs tangled up, sheets, thoughts in our heads
We wouldn’t know what to do with the morning if it came
Tomorrow will come as soon as I let it drop
All I want is silence
But then comes the rain and it won’t stop

Bad thoughts over me
Your hands on my shoulders
Let go let them drop
Clouds move in and hover overhead
Like leaves in October
They fall when they’re dead

I’ve done some things I wouldn’t do again
Not even once more for fun
This truth doesn’t give
you a reason to imprison me
a why for the shame
or the nighttime riots
finding it hard to find something to do
with my hands when they’re not fighting you
sooner or later they’re bound to go quiet

Bad thoughts over me
Your hands on my shoulders
Let go let them drop
Clouds move in and hover overhead
Like leaves in October
They fall when they’re dead

I’ve been told I’m redeemed
Years of the story unfolding before me
Not a day goes by I am not giving thanks
You’ve done more than I thought
We done alright together
We’ve seen a hell of a lot
I don’t know how much I’ve lost
But love, love you are what I’ve got

Binds that tie

We cut the binds that tie
Stars to the sky
Truth to the lies
All we aren’t made up of in pain
Fear is taking
Up all our time don’t you think

Tell me when to say when
To people the ones who take and don’t give
Back to back time and space
I don’t want to let you go
Family
But my mason jars are full because of you
I’ll be here waiting for your return to real
And the learning of grace
something other than you

We cut the binds that tie
Stars to the sky
Truth to the lies
All we aren’t made up of in pain
Fear is taking
Up all our time don’t you think

Victory just a word
Without sword or blood
Your one of them that’s never seen it
I’ve got will and I’ve got choice
None of this you can take without a yes
You don’t get to see me at my best
But I do
And it’s more than any of us know
Now go find it and shake it till it rings

We cut the binds that tie
Stars to the sky
Truth to the lies
All we aren’t made up of in pain
Fear is taking
Up all our time don’t you think

Try to be nice and I try to be kind
Somehow that gives you a reason to see me invisible
See me in beige
I am full of life beyond what you could dream
Stretch out this tent over a frost field moon
Let in the stars till we can’t let it in no more
Me without all of you and your ruin will run in the snow
Shouting our heat up to the sky
Goodbye goodbye goodbye

Dirge Song

Wearing it; a fat man’s coat, a feral cat in heat; a long Indian Summer
Prickly and ruling the hairs on my neck with its fascist wool and no November
Mourning and memory are a venomous drink in anyone’s possession
The under-pockets of both arms stick to my body sides over and under
Slipping and the wet whines for the mercy of air or absence of hurt
Slapping at the back of my hair is a wooden stick and a drunk mans hand
Pouring my insides out, like a morning beer; garbage can not dream or stand
Vile steel wire words inflict into child marrow and spirit; a little body in a vice
Mute substitutes for screams, raised veins, rage and kick cans; a stationary revolt
Amend me, this and that and anything that will stick to my skin and the dirge song.

Cinnamon Air

When you’re feeling fit and full of fight
Flowing streams of respect from the all the worlds cup
But it’s the loneliness that seeps in late, keeping you up
Whatever you thought was right
Can’t say you didn’t think it was wrong
Everybody thinks they’ve found what you got
Knowing full well you’ve stolen what they bought

Child, when you’re far gone, far away for a long one
Out with the dark and out with the dirt
I’ll be patiently awaiting you and your bags
all of your kinds of hurt
Sitting in a back porch kind of chair
Breathing your name in the cinnamon air

Wildwood flowers can’t grow without sun
And neither can you when you hide and you run
Off in the distance there’s a whipping wind growing
Covers the signs, hides away the highways coming
Curl up in my lap and I’ll see that you stay
Close to me sweetheart, close to my chest
But this is all just a dream cause it hasn’t happened yet

Child, when you’re far gone, far away for a long one
Out with the dark and out with the dirt
I’ll be patiently awaiting you and your bags
and all of your kinds of hurt
Sitting in a back porch kind of chair
Breathing your name in the cinnamon air

you'll want to remember this

never forget this aching in your shoulders, the tight soreness in both wrists from walking with metal sticks. hop, hop, hop...stop. catch your breath. shake wrists. curse the distance of a block.

the acute energy put into the required notification of all curbs, backpack straps, seating assignments, and stray legs on the bus. (guarding your weakness with striker like positioning i might add)

the downward free fall of all fluid and blood gorging itself in your left ankle.
resulting in a drunken-headache-feeling not dissimilar to just giving blood and my foot falling asleep. heavy as lead and feeling about 3x it's size.

no longer are sitting, standing, walking or getting around automatic thoughts. but come about after careful observations of each and every sidewalk, door and stair. (work brain work)

right leg, thank you for your unwavering support and balance. bravo!

and you! your mother like disposition tells me I should be remembering grace and human limitations. culminating in dependence on you. oh and i do,i do. i am delicate as grass; origins of dust and i have no right to assume tomorrow will not swipe me clean. but you have given me all the rights to breath and live and walk. and thanks for not letting me fall.

(a big, big thank you!)

You're Everywhere

If I were to swiftly ride a top a blazing star hell bent on glory and death, or to hold my breath and pinch both eyes under dark waters, adamant on sinking, or let all the atoms and synergy of my strongest muscles carry me out to dunes of sand desiring isolation, or climb an ancient redwood to the very top where there is no more tree wanting to fall, or curl up into a childlike position and hide under layers of sediment wishing to be alone, I couldn’t then nor can not now escape the all encompassing, inescapable,loving presence of our God, from Everlasting to Everlasting. Amen.